I’ll Put Down the Harry Potter

26 Feb

Brendan,

For your birthday, I’m putting down Harry Potter to write you this—as you requested. I don’t want you to think it’s a present or celebration of the day you were born, but a somber dirge. I know this can’t be a happy day for you as every additional year of your life means that your body subtracts a little more hair on your head. And adds more hair on your belly. Your ever expanding belly. Every year is another notch on the belt. As your age expands so does your gut.

I went to the cafe down the street and got a wrap. A turkey-bacon wrap. But no matter what angle I bit all I could taste was tomato. I really hate tomato.

I’ve bought you a present that will not help your waistline, but hopefully it will help you cope with another year with yourself. I bought myself another bottle of gin—hopefully it lasts me the week.

I’ll be late for your party tomorrow,
Rhett

Comments 1 Comment
Categories The Usual
Author Rhett Soveran

One Response to “I’ll Put Down the Harry Potter”

eric March 3, 2010 at 9:06 pm #

give me some fucking lunch, quit slacking off already!

Reply

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I’ll Put Down the Harry Potter

One Response to “I’ll Put Down the Harry Potter”

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the Specials

A Melancholy Meal

Brown Shoes, Tube Socks

The Hole in the Freezer

No Sweat

Recent Lunches